The Ugliest Weenie is a musical play written by Cow that tells the story of a disgustingly ugly weenie and his harsh life.
The story starts off with a freshly bought pack of weenies, one of which is hideously ugly and rejected by its fellow weenies and the "hand" (who represents the eater). Despite being rejected at every turn, the Ugliest Weenie finds love with a pretty weenie who loves him despite his ugly appearance and tries her best to make him look beautiful so he too may be chosen by the hand, but her efforts prove fruitless as the ugly weenie is still rejected. The pretty weenie and the other weenies are soon chosen by the hand, leaving the Ugliest Weenie alone and still ugly, but he then notices solemn singing coming from his fellow weenies who now realize what being "chosen" means as they are slowly cooked and skewered over an open fire, and they proceed to tell the Ugliest Weenie how fortunate he is for being ugly. Just then, another pack of weenies are bought by the hand, which turn out to be just as ugly as the Ugliest Weenie, and he no longer feels alone and unloved. The weenies who were being cooked also return, somehow having survived while becoming ugly themselves, likely due to being cooked which exposed their inner ugliness. The Ugliest Weenie then lived happily ever after